Now Playing Tracks

  • *hears noises at night*:

    well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life

  • *gets shampoo in my eyes*:

    I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child

  • *heart is beating fast*:

    I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is

  • *a cop walks by*:

    here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone

  • *taking a test*:

    don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing

  • *gets a sunburn*:

    great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents

  • *tripping over something*:

    I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me

  • *period is late*:

    shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

totheinternetandbeyond:

wecanbreatheinouterspace:

totheinternetandbeyond:

I lost the cap to a soda bottle

Then you’re fucking stupid. If you can’t drink a soda without a cap, then you’re fucking stupid. 

LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT. I COULDN’T FIND THE CAP TO AN ALMOST FULL 2 LITER BOTTLE OF DIET COKE. I WASN’T ABOUT TO DRINK THE WHOLE GOD DAMN THING ON THE SPOT. I DONT EVEN LIKE DIET COKE THAT MUCH. IF I PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE IN THE BOTTLE IT WOULD HAVE GONE FLAT SO DONT FUCKING CALL ME STUPID I AM THE FUTURE

funquisitor:

being a fan of something and having a crap fandom is like standing in the middle of a party and everyone is loud, obnoxious and rude and occasionally spits acid in your face but your friends are there, the music is excellent, and there’s lots of food, and there’s great wifi so you don’t really wanna leave so you kind of just stand there going

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